"I’m friends with the monster
That’s under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You’re trying to save me
Stop holding your breath
And you think I’m crazy”
-Eminem “The Monster”
I have PTSD. I had something happen this weekend that triggered a horrible and frightening flashback. It’s been 24 hours and I’m still feeling the adrenaline, the exhaustion, the fear, and the headache.
If we don’t get rid of this problem, I will move back to my parents’ house. I love my boyfriend and I trust he’d always protect me from anyone or anything, but I cannot live in fear and wondering what will happen when the night comes. I will not live in fear in my own house because someone else cannot control their issues. You do not get to attack my friends and boyfriend and live under my roof. No. No no no…
Trying to explain PTSD is difficult sometimes. You’d think it’d be easy because when you witness the reaction of a trigger from someone suffering from PTSD it must be just as disturbing. To see someone who is regularly put together, cheerful, and warm to others turn into a hysterical and fall into inconsolable hysterics in a flash of an instance is not easy - especially when someone doesn’t understand why the reaction occurred. You’d think it be easy to explain but it’s so hard sometimes… and the disappointment you feel when you realize something you thought you learned to deal with from the actions someone else did against you years ago still affects you in such a terrible and vicious fashion.
I’m not sure what I’m more upset over at this point. The fact I’ve had a pathological lying sociopath under my roof and I actually trusted him, the fact that I’m still shaking from watching everything happen, that my loved ones - especially the man I love the most in this world could have been hurt severely, the day-mares of my ex beating me in a drunken state with a liquor bottle and his fists going on, or that I’m not as at peace of it as I thought I was.
I’m at a loss.
I made a jelsa playlist and explained each song in the link. I hope you and everyone likes it c:
Thank you! :3 Everyone check out this rad playlist :D
I promise that even though we may not always see each other I will faithfully wait for you.
That I will keep our home running even when you are away.
I will make sure our children know exactly who you are and why they can not talk to you or see you during the hardships of you…
I’ve been inspired by this woman to write something for my sailor to keep in his uniform. I’m thankful she shared this with the world. Thank you.